The message struck terror in my heart. The email was a long, apologetic piece of information from Jockey telling me that the underwear I have worn for more than fifty years (the style, silly, not the same pair) was being discontinued. They were very sorry, but despite all their marketing efforts, dwindling sales of the Classic Midway brief, which they have made since 1937, had forced them to this extremity.
However, I could still buy from their remaining stock as long as supplies lasted. So I called my doctor and asked her how long I would live. Armed with this information, I made the requisite calculations and ordered a lifetime supply. A major crisis was averted. I am 77 years old.. A man that old should not have to change his underwear.